Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Gongo aso...

I had the oddest dream. It's already fading away now, but somehow, I was a child again, in charge of a lot of children. I was supposed to be asleep but wasn't. I am not sure what I was doing. When it was time to wake up, i gave my charges a lecture about how i was tired of doing everything. I had to go to school but i wanted to stay in bed and sleep.  I was tempted to but then i remembered I had a quiz and I couldn't skip. Really odd. Somehow, I came back or woke up and the children had fixed the space we were staying in and it looked very nice. They had made all the beds. I usually only have time to make one before it's time to ?go somewhere, ?do something. I said it was an odd dream.

I am still in bed. Should have been awake at least an hour and some change ago. But I couldn't wake up and fought my alarm clock bitterly. I kept telling myself, just turn on the light and you will wake up but I didn't want to. I finally woke up when some random random called me looking for some random person. I told the deaf random that "he wasn't here, it was a wrong number" and she replies "but when is he coming back?" You see why I called her deaf? Guess she only paid attention to the first part of the statement.

Of course I am tired because I went to bed late last night. I came home late for whatever reason. And for whatever reason, after eating my dinner, I sat on my couch and looked at my budget and debt. My second favorite thing to do. I am serious. I looked at my balance and I cried because it had somehow dipped hard. I thought everything had been paid out but I was a bit wrong there and i had been a bit too free these past weekends. I can really spend a good hour or more just looking at my debt and trying to configure ways for paying it off faster. The debt spreadsheet has a thousand notes and plans. The funny thing is, no matter how i add here and subtract there, the time to be debt free remains the same.  And it will not change unless I get an extra infusion of cash, obviously, my spending like a mad woman (for me o,am sure others spend on one shoe what i have just spent in 3 months) is not helping my cause but like I have said, I am tired of deprivation. It feels somehow to work so hard and all your money goes straight to your bills. My biggest desire is to have an apartment I am proud of, filled with things that make me happy. I am not justifying, just stating facts.

The thing is I should have spent that time working on my novel. I am seriously dragging my feet on that. I am very good at procrastinating, am telling you. I should get paid for that. I kept hearing my story though in varying forms last week so I should get to it. Even if it never sees the light of day. It's been 7 years already.

My bedtime came and went and still I sat on the couch. So I got up and washed my dishes and pots and cleaned my sink. And decided to set up my patio set. Then I finally went to bed. So even though I feel tired now, last night wasn't a total bust. Just that the time wasn't spent on the right things. Now, I am justifying.

Off to work I go.

-the title is for my ringtone which woke me up.

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