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Showing posts from 2007

Procrastinating down memory lane.

My last exam of third year is tomorrow morning. I haven't been studying as hard as I should and i'm a bit scared but not scared enough to glue my backside to my seat. Anyway, as usual before any exam, i have discovered a new toy, youtube! LOL. I remember falling in love with this song way back in 1999 or 1998. Back then, Erykah Badu was a phenomenon, Eve was on the verge of blowing up and Jill Scott? Who was a Jill Scott? I remember coming down to Worcester from Boston to watch The Roots perform at the Palladium (of course, now that I live right next to the Palladium no has come to town and when they do, i'm busy. but i ain't bitter. ) Black Thought performed his part and Eve's which was hilarious and then some chick called Jill Scott came and sang Erykah Badu's part. I was mad. Like who are you? Where's Miss Badu? Funny how things change. Erykah Badu has fallen off the face of the planet and now, no one has to ever ask who is Jill Scott, ever. and Black Tho

Last week of the last rotation of 3rd year.

Wow! How time flies. Seems like that's how i start of all the posts i have managed to create this year. It's been hard! So hard, with patches of brightness thrown in here and there, but I have grown tremendously this year. I have matured so much and I am finally expressing myself without fear or shame and I guess that makes all the torment and self doubt that i have gone through worth it. As usual, I create the post in my head but then when I actually sit here to type it up, I do not know where to begin. I guess I will start from the beginning. I am about to wrap up my surgery rotation. 3 months of sleep deficit, food deficit, time for me deficit, time for God and family deficit and I could go on... A friend of mine predicted that I will end up a surgeon. LOL. The amazing thing is that I am being recruited to be a surgeon, apparently the surgeons I have worked with have identified me as having great potential as a future surgeon. I still do not want to be a surgeon, the lifest

One rotation between me and fourth year.

Just like that, ob- gyn is over. We had the exam last week, the oral and the written. Unlike the trauma that was the internal medicine oral (i spit on the memory), the ob- gyn oral was so much better. I walked into that place like I owned the place. I was the doctor, I wasn't the student and I acted accordingly. I deferred to no one and spoke like I knew what I was talking about. Of the seven stations I had to go through, I only lacked confidence in two of them, I kept saying to the standardized patient, I am not sure, I will look that up. Funny thing was though, that I did have those answers right. I hope that does not count against me. I had encountered two of the standardized patients before during the internal medicine exam. The one I encountered first during the ob- gyn exam was the last one that i encountered during the IM exam. By the time I had gotten to her station during the IM exam, I was so discombobulated. When I told her my name, she gave me this look and lat

Week 5

Amazing how time just flies! I am beginning week 5 of my ob-gyn rotation and not a moment too soon. I am so through with where I am posted. My greatest worry now is who is going to evaluate me? I do not feel like I impressed anyone at all with my skills. Some of it is my fault i guess. Maybe I should have done more surgeries or something. Some of it is the way the practice over there is set up. Most of the docs want you to follow them around like a faithful lap dog. A few actually let you talk to the patient by yourself and do some portion of the exam. I give props to all the women who let me do their pelvic exam. (minus one lady. She was rather odd. She had the flattest expression I had ever seen. I wanted to ask her if everything was okay at home, at work, with her cos she was depressing me. She allowed me to do the exam but I noticed that after I messed up, homegirl cheered up, a lot! Maybe i'm just too sensitive but she is suspect. ) So let's see what were my goals of this

Another one down.

Just finished the oral exam of my fourth rotation. I can hardly believe it. I am two rotations away from finishing my third year. Where does time go to? Sha , it's not been easy. I failed my first rotation exams - the oral and the written. I am still in shock myself but I have finally come to accept it. Also, to recognize that failing it does not mean that I am a failure. But, I must admit when I heard that news in October, I went into depression. Well, a mini-depression (ironically, I was doing my psych rotation at that time lol ). I stopped working out and everything. I got even more anxious than I am already, and I am an anxious person. But with time, I now understand what I did wrong. #1. I missed the memo that the exam was past board questions. I did not find this out until a week before the exam. #2. I spent my time studying from the wrong book. #3. I left my notebook with all my notes in Boston! How stupid huh! I didn't find it until after the exam. In fact, I think this

been a long time...

i am trusting God with everything that i've got i'm trusting God with all my dreams, my hopes, my joy i'm trusting God with all my fears, my hates, my insecurities the pain at the pit of my stomach the tears rolling down my cheeks all of my failures, all of my doubts i'm trusting God through this night that has lasted six long years with only a moment or two of sunshine to help me endure the months and months of dark O Lord I'm trusting You through my doubts I wonder if You hear, I wonder if You care I wonder what Your plans are I wonder if they include my joy Sometimes I whisper a lie - You must hate me Then try to cover it up with the truth - Romans eight But I return to that lie again and again When You won't let me get my way Why won't You let me get my way Lord What is wrong with my way? What do You see that i don't? And why won't You share it with me? So I could be at ease, at peace But I guess that's why it's called trust The alternati