Sunday, November 11, 2012

I don't mind waiting...

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Romans 8:22-25 MSG.

I am currently in the waiting room, waiting on God to answer some of my heart felt desires. Sometimes I feel like I have been waiting for eternity for Him to show up and show out. Sometimes I wonder if God hears me and ever plans to hear my prayer. Sometimes I get frustrated and act out of my own strength which of course sends me back to square one, at which point I get mad at God and call myself not talking to Him.

It can be painful and lonely in the waiting room, especially when you have done your best, prayed and believed with all your might, and confessed positive things over the situation. For me, by the time the latest rejection came, a numbness settled over me such that God's voice became distant. Truthfully, it's more that I had become insensitive to His voice, and would rather turn up the soundtrack of negative thoughts playing in my head: you lose again, you failed again, you are nothing but a reject, you are no good, give up. Forget it.

I heard the song above while I was asking God for something huge for someone else. I would sing the song but as I sang I could hear my thoughts saying instead, I do mind waiting I do mind. I do mind. But then a shift took place a few weeks ago, and thanks to that shift, I could finally understand the scripture I quoted above.

Thanks to that shift, I moved from God why God? to God what do You wish to form me into while I am here in the waiting room: what skill, what spirit, what mentality do You want to cultivate in me? What do You want to cut out of my life?

I realized that being in the waiting room does not make me less loved by God. Rejection does not make me a failure. God has already seen the end from the beginning so only He understands why He chose to say no instead of yes. In fact, I started to see no as get ready. I started to see no as rethink that desire. As I let go of my sense of God has done me wrong, His still voice became more distinctive to me. I became more sensitive to Him.

Finally I can sing the song with truth.

I don't mind waiting.
I don't mind waiting.
I don't mind waiting on you Lord.  

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:26-28 MSG

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