Friday, June 02, 2006

The Saga Continues...

I guess I can only post one entry a month or something.

Well, as of two fridays ago, I took my last clinical exam! oops i meant basic sciences. I was not able to feel relieved, excited or light like a air filled balloon because I still have my boards to take. I was going to be hard core and take in on June 9th but then I began to doubt my test taking abilities and decided to push it to the future. Whatever happens, I still have time to enjoy my life before third year begins.

I can't believe that I am about to begin the second half of the year. Rather, that I have begun the second half of the year 2006. I am not able to do a good recap of the year thus far because quite frankly i have not been keeping up with my journal (paper that is). I do know that now that I feel settled about my academic life, my thoughts have turned increasingly to my emotional life - in short, i have been hit with an overwhelming desire to get married.

It's funny to me that I feel this way. When I was twelve years old (ironically, when i was 11, i wanted to get married by 18 so i could have me some s.e.x. LOL) and all through college and even after graduation, my stance was that I was not getting married. I looked around at the marriages that I saw and what i saw were marriages that seemed to have no love and looked like marriage for marriage's sake. I thought that by telling myself that I did not care for marriage that I would be free from the yearning and desire to be married. I was particularly afraid of that yearning and desire because I knew even at that young age that it would cause me to marry anyone just to have a ring on my finger and the title of Mrs.

Alas! Here I am almost two decades later, longing to be part of a unit. I guess God never lied when He said it is not good for man to be alone. I long to be in a wonderful, life affirming relationship with a man of like mind. Sometimes, I am filled with despair because it looks so impossible. Even though, I'd like to consider myself to be a honest person, I seem to attract deceitful people into my life. It's ill and leaves me a little bit scarred, I lie. It has left me very scarred and unable to trust myself.

Anyway, on to other things.

First, I want to shout out dreamerchic who hooked me up with Lagbaja's latest album. I love it! Thanks Dreamerchic03. You rock! It's hot, especially now that I am hearing it in CD quality. Aisan still remains my favorite because it speaks to me. There is just something about that song despite its rather long and semi dissonant intro. Equally blazing tracks are: Who Man? Skentele Skontolo and my second personal favorite: Never Far Away. I found out that my cousin bought the VCD when she went to naija. I can wait to pop out this exam so i can go and raid her house for that and other naija movies.

be back in a minute....

1 comment:

LL said...

I personally think that when it comes to relationships and marriages, its usually very tricky. There is usually a point when you are na├»ve and you see relationships like fairy tale stories. And along the line one would get to a stage of total shock and disappointment. At this point you don’t even want to be with guy . At that stage all hopes and dreams get shattered and you don’t want to ever go back. From there, hopefully, (though some people never get there) where one will find healing and begin to dream again but this time, not a fairy tale. This time giving room for your imperfections, his imperfections and circumstances surrounding you, two. Then if the young man or who ever comes riding on his horse with ‘dem shinny amour, you probably will recognise him. Though some come later on in life, its best wait to avoid starting the cycle all over again.
This is from experience, before I met Huzy, all the relationships I had was horrible. No good one at all. The last one destroyed everything I had left as he went for good sessions with a close friend. Then I took 5 year break. No relationship and every person that came near got the bitter side of me and I enjoyed it. My family members were worried. Some how I managed to get on the recovery road but it took a long time. Along the line I met Huzy, it was difficult being with me at first , cos, I sub-consciously punished him for my Ex’s sins. But for me he was one guy that helped me to restore my hope and dream again.