Monday, April 02, 2007

One rotation between me and fourth year.

Just like that, ob-gyn is over. We had the exam last week, the oral and the written. Unlike the trauma that was the internal medicine oral (i spit on the memory), the ob-gyn oral was so much better. I walked into that place like I owned the place. I was the doctor, I wasn't the student and I acted accordingly. I deferred to no one and spoke like I knew what I was talking about. Of the seven stations I had to go through, I only lacked confidence in two of them, I kept saying to the standardized patient, I am not sure, I will look that up. Funny thing was though, that I did have those answers right. I hope that does not count against me. I had encountered two of the standardized patients before during the internal medicine exam. The one I encountered first during the ob-gyn exam was the last one that i encountered during the IM exam. By the time I had gotten to her station during the IM exam, I was so discombobulated. When I told her my name, she gave me this look and later during the feedback, she said i need to say my full name. I was like, look at this woman. I stopped saying my full name because it took time out of my precious fifteen minutes to start explaining the name. Anyway, this second time around, she was surprised at the difference in me. She said I was no longer as apologetic as I was. I told her that I own this. I think she thought I was joking. lol.

But enough of boring school. I am back at sea level again after 4.5 weeks up in the mountains. We have spring break. I have chosen to stay at home, in Worcester and take care of home things. I want to put down wooden floors in my hallway. I have been doing that since first year (lol). I want to have those floors in before I graduate (lol). I want to paint my walls. I took a picture earlier this year so I could show someone my garden living room (have lots of plants) and I was struck by how bland and depressing my space was. The white walls were just so blah! Adefunke's blog post on painting has also inspired me immensely. I also promised myself one plant as a gift. Actually, it's going to have to be two because I want a tall palm tree looking plant to go in the dining space and I also want a nice colorful shrub to go in my window garden. I was inspired by the office of one of my preceptors to make a window garden. Basically, i have these huge windows that cover almost an entire wall. My former roommate left one of her plants that climbs and climbs and climbs and it has grown so much. I decided to put a butterfly on the window, a sun and then add two more plants to the space. I put my peace lily plant there - ever since I changed its pot it has been flourishing and has even given me three flowers something i have never seen in all the time i have owned it- the climber and then i want a nice colorful plant, like bright orange, red or something. Obviously, this calls for a trip to the garden shops or whatever it is called.

I don't know what it is sha. But whenever I have an exam that is precisely the time that I get hooked on blogger. I have been reading laspapi's blog and it filled me with this intense desire to be in Nigeria. I think that what excites me so much is that there is a community of creative people and they are doing their thing and i love reading about it. wish i could actually witness it.

but we will see. i am definitely doing a rotation in nigeria next year. maybe lagos, maybe ibadan, maybe ondo state but it shall be in nigeria. in fact, maybe around this time.

speaking of creativity. I have silenced mine. I haven't written in so long. It's like my voice has gone underground completely. I told myself that I am going to commit to doing early morning pages again, and taking myself out on dates and all those things I did way back when. I feel so dead inside. I feel numb and blunted. Nothing touches me. Nothing moves me. I am so cynical and bitter these days and I do not like it. At all. I who used to see possibilities in anything, i of the great imagination, i have become the negative critic. The one who pours cold water on everyone's dreams. Kai. I can't live like this any longer. It must change. When I started thinking these thoughts, I immediately thought of getting a book. I have this idea that all the solutions to my problems lie in a book. lol. Am i an efiko or what? I used to have this book called the Artist's Way. When I became a christian, i threw all my metaphysical and new age books. lol. I hope that I didn't throw that book away. I want it back. I will search my library later today, soon as i get up from here.

Love life. Well. Still non-existent. But God has been using white women to hook me up. lol. I guess He does hear my daily prayers about sending me my man. During my family medicine rotation, one of my patients was telling me about all the single african men that i could meet at her church. For real! it was too funny. I keep meaning to go to her church. Maybe I will go one of these sundays. The problem is, I am stuck on one particular man. But he is not stuck on me.

alright, i'm supposed to be reading ahead in surgery. told myself 1-2 chapters a day. so off i go.