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I got that feeling.

I really love the warm balmy nights we are having in El Paso right now. It reminds me of Miami somehow, minus the smell of the water. The cold bitter nights I used to endure are a distant memory. I hated sitting in my living room because of the frigid air.  The warm nights feel so good. I like walking outside again.

The weather change gives me hope. The one thing I have missed about living in New England is the season change. The bitter winter, the darkness, the cold that permeates through you if you don't bundle up, that finally changes into lively spring, the small buds on the tree, the smell in the air, the light. You don't get that in Miami.

My hope is being built up again. I know that just like the winter has passed into spring, I will also pass into a new season of joy, and the loneliness and frustration I feel right now will also be a distant memory. In the meantime, I have promised myself to be content in this season. To be grateful for the life I am leading right now.  To enjoy myself right now and not wait until whenever, my debt is completed, my weight is down, etc. To be kind to myself, for real be kind, and not just promise to be kind and never follow through. It is all so simple, yet so hard to do. It's much easier to complain and whine and be swallowed in self pity than to just simply live. All I can do is try.

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